I  KNEW...

Thanksgiving is Thursday and I wasn't going to post a thanksgiving post, but I sat down to rest a few minutes ago and my mind wandered to my recent scare with "maybe" having cancer; I just began to weep and I decided I SHOULD write something about this special holiday of giving thanks.  I write thru tears, as I replay the past three months and what it was like to be in my shoes. . .waiting 2 months for results, the long days, the hours listening to scripture,  the scary nights laying there wandering if  I did have cancer, wondering if I'd lose my hair,  the nightmares that I was in chemo,  the dread of  my next appointment, the fear of surgery, cherishing my husband more than ever, seeing life differently, etc...

"If" it was cancer...

I KNEW God would take care of me and every time a fearful thought crossed my mind I tried so hard to claim His wonderful promises in His word and try to rejoice in my suffering and thank God.

I KNEW I was suppose to thank God for EVERYTHING  and thus began my journey of truly understanding what that actually means.

I KNEW I would be ok. I was just worried about how everyone else would react, but prayed I could be a strong example of Gods grace.

I KNEW God would take whatever the outcome and use it for His glory.

I KNEW I would draw closer to God in my trial, and I did. I learned, in a deep way, about His love, how to truly trust Him, and the meaning of having JOY in ALL things.

I KNEW I was saved and wondered what it would be like to meet Jesus face to face...I wondered what Heaven was like.

I KNEW I would need my husband and my family more than ever. I realized the deep gratefulness I had towards God for giving me such a wonderful family.

I KNEW I would need prayer and I was truly overwhelmed and so humbled by the hundreds of people all over the world that were talking with The Lord on my behalf...Wow!!!

I KNEW if it wasn't cancer we would rejoice and be so happy, AND  OH the tears that fell the day we got a good diagnosis!!!!! No cancer. Praise The Lord!!!! I can't express the amazing relief!!!

But, you know what?
The scare of cancer - that "if"...
THAT is what I'm thankful for!!!!!

I realized I get to be thankful 

for something this year 

I've never been thankful for before...

I wouldn't trade it for the world. Maybe you think I'm crazy for being thankful that I was told I might have cancer, but it gave me a new perspective on life. It taught me SOOO much!!! I learned more about God than I ever have.

Being thankful has a whole different meaning this year!!!!!!

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL 

*These pictures are from a few years ago on Thanksgiving - I just love them : )

~  Be thankful unto Him and bless His name, for the Lord is good!!!  ~

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~ Well, Actually, We Don't Have Any Kids ~

*   *   *   *   * 

"Well, actually, we don't have any kids"... 
So this is the response I gave to a lady last week whom I hadn't seen for years. We had re-connected at a ladies meeting and she asked me if  my hubby was home with the kids. I laughed it off, but it was a statement that, for every barren woman, cuts like a knife. It wasn't unusual, or even wrong for her to ask me that question. I mean, it had been well over ten years since we had really been around each other or even communicated, and why wouldn't I have a brood of little ones at home with the hubby? 

This is a scenario that plays out quite often in our lives. I call it the "Five Years Later" scenario. Why? 
Well, one thing that has been hard with our infertility is the passing of time(eight years for us and for others it's much longer). There is a natural progression in life...you grow up, you get married, you have kids; and with that, life is always progressing. You celebrate your baby's one year birthday, your kid starts preschool, you have a 2nd child, and so on and so forth. Once the kids come, there is just a natural progression that continues on and happens...
that's just life and people expect it!!!

BUT....

without kids, life seems to stand still a little more...

Here's an illustration:
There is an special event and you meet up with old friends - everyone is married.
Several years later you meet up again at that same event - everyone has a kid, but you...you're still JUST married.
Several years later you meet up yet AGAIN - everyone now has SEVERAL kids, but not you...you're still JUST married. 
It seems as if you have nothing in common with your friends and as they all sit around talking about the evils of potty training you just wish to God you could have a child to potty train. 

This is the "Five Years Later" scenario. Time goes by and life hasn't moved on for you. You feel like everybody is growing up and fulfilling their roles in life and you are left behind. Five years later, their family has grown and your family remains the same.

So, back to the illustration...The second time you meet at the event(and everyone has a child), it's disappointing, and you feel a little left out, BUT that's Ok. You expect to get pregnant soon and the next time you meet, you'll be able to show off your little one.

BUT...

time for the event roles around again AND you arrive empty handed. The disappointment grows stronger and the trial IS harder. You struggle in your mind to be content, yet you thank God for His MANY blessings to you. You realize...you're not really empty handed, you just walked into the conference with your husband's hand in yours!!!! You tell God that you are thankful that you have a husband and you ask God to please bless and grow your marriage through this trial. You beg God to protect your heart from bitterness; you desire so strongly to stay tender to His will for your life. So, you surrender ONCE AGAIN, but in that same thought of surrender, in the deep recesses of your heart, you whisper a yearning prayer to your Heavenly Father, "Please, Lord, please help us to have a child." 

You put on a smile, walk over to your group of friends and settle in for some fellowship...

You're smiling, 
chatting with your friends, 
laughing at their potty training jokes, 
and holding their new baby. 

BUT....

What you're really doing is..

You're smiling while weeping inside,
chatting while praying inside,
laughing while hurting,
and holding while hoping! 

"But I will hope continually, 

and will yet praise thee more and more." 

Psalm 71:14

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All About This Crazy Lady!!!

~ Getting to know me questions & answers - Part 1 ~

 Q. What made you want to live in Davis? ~ from Tanya Deguzman

A. It was the Lord. We were praying about where God would have us start a church and there was an evident need in Davis. It was neat to see how God lead us here, and we LOVE it!!! 

Q. What is your favorite guilty pleasure food? ~ from Jessica Rodriguez

A. Donuts – One time I ate 5 at a morning fellowship. FIVE!!!  And I’m not talking donut holes here, I mean the big ones, like apple-fritters & maple-bars. I ate a couple before anybody arrived. Then, to those standing around visiting, I acted like I hadn’t had one yet and took another. OH MY!!!  Then…I snuck two more and ate them in the bathroom. Pathetic huh???

Q. What has been your biggest spiritual hurdle to wrestle with? ~ from Jan Airhart

A. Bible study – I loved spending time in prayer and having devotions & worship time,  but I neglected Bible STUDY.  I realized that ALL my spiritual hurdles would not be overcome unless I studied His Word. Not worship. Study. Not just prayer and devotions. STUDY.  Dig deep in God’s word!!!


Q. What is your favorite Season? ~Jessica Rodriguez

A.  I wish "Rain" was a season.  I’m a boot lovin’, glove wearin’, cider sippin’, rain loving, cuddle up by the fire kind of girl!!!  So, ANY season where I can do that I’m happy! 


Q. Do you have a secret talent?  ~Heather Skaggs

A. Yes, but if I told everyone, then it wouldn’t be a secret : )hee hee


Q. What are spiritual challenges you've faced and how'd you overcome them? ~Jasdeep Gill

A. Here are 3…

1. Anger - I memorized verses on anger, read some books on anger, prayed for victory, and had some counseling sessions with my pastor. I worked on it EVERY day and God gave me the victory.

2. Confidence in Christ – I was dealing with some insecurity so I did a word study on confidence; I just dug deep into the Bible for several hours and was SOOO encouraged by what God taught me.

            3. Contentment – Studying the Children of Israel is a good Bible study for this…I listed things I was thankful for each day; sometimes it was hard because Satan had influenced me to be so negative about life. Also, I wrote thank you notes for EVERY little thing - once I even wrote a thank you note to someone who had lent me a sticky note to use(one sticky note-haha)  Maybe that’s a little overboard, but I knew I HAD to overcome this sin and needed to saturate my life with gratefulness.

Q. What is one homemaking skill you wish you were better at? ~Anonymous

A.  Couponing  - I’ve taken classes, clipped, organized, and tried so hard, but it just doesn’t work for me.

Q. What is one homemaking skill you’re glad you have?

A. Sewing - It comes in handy for mending, tailoring, making curtains, crafting, hemming skirts & my hubby’s pants, etc… I love Love, LOVE being able to sew!!!


Q. What are a few of your favorite christian life "help" books on marriage, Christian living, friendship, etc? ~Michelle Reis

A. Here’s a few that I have read and re-read; they have helped me so much…

-Changed Into His Image

-Lady the Lord is Looking For~The Proverbs 31 woman

-Love & Respect

-God’s  Adventurer~Life of Hudson Taylor

-Mrs. Chappell’s “It’s a Wonderful Life”

Q. What is your favorite movie?  ~Jessica Rodriguez
A. I don’t really have a favorite. I like anything that is lighthearted or makes me laugh! DEFINITELY anything with Haley Mills  - love her!!!  I must confess, though, I have watched Kung Fu Panda about a hundred times – don’t judge me! HAHA!

Q. Would you change anything about yourself? ~Anonymous 

A. I can honestly say, NO.  As a teen girl God just gave me the ability to accept myself. I truly believe self-worth was just a gift He chose to give me. I was grateful for who He made me to be. God gave me confidence in my personality and I knew my talents were from Him. One night, late, at the age of 14, God impressed upon my heart to write a devotion about how we are all made beautiful in His sight. Once I had my thoughts written, I pretended that I was speaking to a group of ladies and sharing it with them.  Even then I had a heart to minister and help others find their worth in Christ. I must give God the glory for revealing this lesson to me at such a young age. 

Q. Are there any more questions in this post?
A.  NO : ) but I want to say THANK YOU to those who submitted questions. I will share more in my Part 2 of "All About This Crazy Lady."  I welcome feedback, so If you have a question, please leave it in the comments.

Yes, I am crazy(just ask my family & friends) and I love to have fun in life, however, many times I can be a mess : ) haha, BUT, I strive to be WHO God wants me to be, and I hope that by just being me I can bless you. 

Love,

DeAna

WELCOME

to

In My Shoes

Hi, I'm DeAna and this blog is MY PERSPECTIVE.

Its a look at what it's like to be in my shoes - my testimony

of trials and what God has taught me through them.

I will mainly be sharing about my trial with infertility, 

but will also be sharing about my many health issues, 

the ups & downs of being a pastor's wife, 

and our journey as church planters.  

My desire is that this blog portray an open & honest view of trials 

and how to respond to them properly.

I am a child at heart who loves bubblegum, rollerskates, & make-believe. 

I love to slip on my tennis shoes and just play. 

I also love to be fancy, slip on my high heels, 

stick my pinky up in the air, and sip tea like a proper lady : )

 Honestly, I can be quite a mess at times, 

but that's when God's grace is truly sufficient 

AND 

my dear husband says I'm "his" mess : )haha. 

So, with God & my family on my side, 

I can face any trial that comes my way.

Come walk a mile in my shoes. . .