A "Jonah" Day
Wouldn't it be nice if everyday was perfect and wonderful and magical!!!!
But that's not reality is it?
Many times God has a different plan for our day than we do. He writes a different story for us than what we would choose to write for ourselves. Some days he needs us to struggle and have a hard time in order to teach us a valuable lesson and accomplish growth in our lives.
In the movie Anne of Green Gables, on a really tough day, Anne said she was having a Jonah Day - LOL!!, and knowing the story of Jonah, that makes sense!
So today was one of those days for me...
Many trials have been looming over our heads, and today, when bad news came, it just all came tumbling down around me. I fought every emotions of every trial. I was all over the place emotionally. I kept trying to ground myself in the Lord, but Satan was fighting. It was a roller-coaster of a day, but I made it through with God's help and maybe by sharing my testimony I will help someone else...
Journal of today:
~ Sit in bed & Pray (I'ts important to start my day in God's strength before I get up to face Satan and the world)
~ Realize I need to be productive today because I start a new job TOMORROW!!!! (Getting this job was a huge answer to prayer and blessing for us financially, it gives me a purpose and helps my loneliness)
~ Don't open up blinds or turn on any lights because the air isn't working!!!!! urggg! Try not to complain about it tho! (our air stopped working last week, but we have a small unit keeping the living room cool)
~ Make 9:00 phone call to my new boss because she asked me to call her this morning
~ SIT IN SHOCK AS I'M FIRED AND LET GO BEFORE I EVEN START!!!!!
~ SIT IN SHOCK NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO. HOW DO I TELL NEIL I JUST LOST MY JOB. WHAT. WHY. HOW?????? AHHHHHHHH!
~ Reel into emotional despair - This job issue is just the tip of the iceburg of our trials right now... All emotions of all our struggles begin to overwhelm me!!!!!!!
We cant start a church. We can't have a baby. I can't keep a job. I'm a failure!
~ Pray...Pray...Pray...I KNOW Satan is trying to take away my joy and my worth in Christ. I need God's strength right now!!!!
~ Decide to call Sister and ask for prayer and comfort.
~ While talking on phone with Sister, put on gym clothes - exercising will help release some emotion (I put on fun t-shirt that also gives excuse for my messy hair "Gym Hair,Dont Care"- haha - Oh, and I actually never made it to gym)
~ Ask hubby about fixing air-condition since he came home real quick to get a tool. Get agitated response from him. I feel flustered, but his job has been horrible lately so things are a bit more tense - poor guy!!!
~Spontaneously call a friend that just texted you. Talk to friend for two hours while walking around on the bike paths(hence no need to go to gym now). Cry on phone, pour heart out, hear friend quote Bible verses & pray with you on phone!!!!! FEELING ENCOURAGED!!! yay!
~ See hubby at lunch time and dread telling him I lost my job. He asks, "So, did you call your boss back"?
~ Tell hubby I lost job, then sit with hubby for lunch, in front of fans, in the super messy living room that we are hanging out in because it's the only cool room (see the fans and the hide-a-way-couch-bed)
~ During lunch discuss some things with hubby and start to feel REALLY discouraged and upset again! Actually PLOP DOWN ON HIDE-A-BED, BURY HEAD IN PILLOW AND SCREAM!!! Sit up all prim and proper and take a deep breath. See hubby sympathetically laugh at me. Laugh at myself. (picture staged for sake of blog post)
~ Decide to get out my shoe journal and write a page of things I am thankful for. Afterwards I don't feel any better, but glad I wrote the list. Sometimes its not about a feeling, but the knowledge that you did the right thing.
~ Realize today is a vicious cycle and that I'm really struggling. That Satan wants to devour me. Decide to play harp to calm spirit and feel close to God ( I tried to download clip of me playing, but it didn't work on here. I posted it on Facebook tho...)
~ Feel so many frustrations toward husband and God. Ask God for forgiveness. I decide to do laundry for husband to show an act of kindness toward him(he appreciates his underclothes drawers to always be full, so that's what I did...LOL)
~ Walk down hallway and see JOY sign and cringe and scowl at it. Stomp foot and stubbornly tell God "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE JOY!" (yes, i admit i did this...)
~ Decide to write a blog post and try to encourage someone else even when I'm feeling helpless and discouraged. Type....erase.....type....erase...type...erase... urgggggggg..... not feeling it :( Feeling like a failure!
~ Eat a bunch of Smarties while discouraged with typing, and feel COMPLETELY GUILTY for eating candy when I know very well I am NOT SUPPOSE TO!!!!!!!
~ Eat a VERY large organic carrot to make up for eating the candy! OY!!!
~ PRAY SOME MORE AND READ PSALM 40 AGAIN!!!!!
~ Decide to just write a blog post about my day today, to just share that life is hard, but WE CAN MAKE IT. I hope to at least encourage one lady.
I was thinking that maybe the title of this post should be - "A Day in the Life of a Lady That is Hot Mess, but by Gods Grace She Will Make It Through" LOL!!! (I actually have a shirt that says, "Im a hot mess" Hahahahah)
You know, to be honest, at the end of today, I really didn't "FEEL BETTER" emotionally; I didn't feel extremely victorious over life. I was still struggling and cried as I went to sleep, but I KNEW in my heart I had fought my best against Satans attacks, I had run to God for help, and I made some right choices even during a really tough day.
Many times on a bad day, we fail at keeping our spirit right We get angry, tense, frustrated. We tend to notice more, on a bad day, the many other burdens we are carrying. Sometimes that bad day is "the straw". You know what I mean "THE STRAWWWWWW" : ) haha! We get caught up in our emotions and many times we don't acknowledge God, when God should really be at the forefront of our bad days. We get so caught up in "just making it through, we don't make it through WITH GOD.
I mentioned earlier that sometimes these hard days are for growth. Do we surrender to it or do we buck it? We may not feel like doing good, or ministering to our husbands, or reading our bible, or choosing joy on days like this, but it must be done becuase it's the right thing to do. It's a spiritual battle and you are fighting between the flesh and the spirit. WHO WILL WIN?
I may never know the real reason as to why God allowed me to struggle today, but I just need to trust HIM!!! I can't go by my emotions, but I must have faith in the truth of God's Word realizing that...
I was thinking that maybe the title of this post should be - "A Day in the Life of a Lady That is Hot Mess, but by Gods Grace She Will Make It Through" LOL!!! (I actually have a shirt that says, "Im a hot mess" Hahahahah)
You know, to be honest, at the end of today, I really didn't "FEEL BETTER" emotionally; I didn't feel extremely victorious over life. I was still struggling and cried as I went to sleep, but I KNEW in my heart I had fought my best against Satans attacks, I had run to God for help, and I made some right choices even during a really tough day.
Many times on a bad day, we fail at keeping our spirit right We get angry, tense, frustrated. We tend to notice more, on a bad day, the many other burdens we are carrying. Sometimes that bad day is "the straw". You know what I mean "THE STRAWWWWWW" : ) haha! We get caught up in our emotions and many times we don't acknowledge God, when God should really be at the forefront of our bad days. We get so caught up in "just making it through, we don't make it through WITH GOD.
I mentioned earlier that sometimes these hard days are for growth. Do we surrender to it or do we buck it? We may not feel like doing good, or ministering to our husbands, or reading our bible, or choosing joy on days like this, but it must be done becuase it's the right thing to do. It's a spiritual battle and you are fighting between the flesh and the spirit. WHO WILL WIN?
I would have chosen different for my day, but God had today planned for a reason. Maybe the reason for my horrible day was to write this. Maybe the reason I lost my job was to protect me. If I wouldn't have been having a bad day I would have never called my friend and she would have never made the difference in my life that she did.
I may never know the real reason as to why God allowed me to struggle today, but I just need to trust HIM!!! I can't go by my emotions, but I must have faith in the truth of God's Word realizing that...
HIS WAYS ARE HIGHER, HIS WAYS ARE JUST,
AND HIS WAY IS PERFECT.
Walking by Faith,
DeAna
