~ Our Story ~
How God Has Blessed Us With Infertility
This is the story of Nathaniel and Tiffany Paul. They are dear friends of mine who agreed to share their story with you. Mothers Day is always a tough day for those struggling with infertility, but this Mother's Day Tiffany is blessed by the Lord to spend it differently than the past years of emptiness. Their baby girl is due SOON, on May 12th, so I will definitely give an update once the Baby is born : ).
Get some tissues ready and enjoy this sweet story...
~DeAna
As our wedding day approached Nathaniel and I started discussing babies. Not that we had not before but this was the... Should we wait? Should we have babies right away conversation. I wanted babies right away and Nathaniel wanted to wait.... Two months into our marriage the tables turned. I was loving that it was just the two of us and my husband had baby fever!
Time passed. Months passed. That's okay. Normal couples can take time to expect a baby. Even up to a year... Every month we tried, waited, and tested. Life was busy and time passed quickly.
Two years in... I was starting to get concerned. I had never been "regular" but was told over and over that everything would be fine once we had our first child. We were given this information by well meaning individuals and by medical professionals. Hmmm... Okay. A little more time. We didn't have medical insurance for many years and tests were expensive so we continued to wait and pray.
I started gaining weight... Even though I was quite active and ate relatively well. My, not quite regular, cycles went to 2-3 a year. I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. Everyone around us was having babies. We had no idea what was wrong but knew something was not quite right.
Obese, weighing in at a horrific 210 lbs, no baby, physically just not myself... I felt like a failure as a wife. And I had a husband who adored me though it all. :) My husband has been unspeakably kind, loving and patient with me.
Six years in... What? Us? We are going to have a baby?!? We announced it to the world! We told EVERYONE! We had Grandma and Grandpa engraved on sentimental items. After all, we were having the first grandbaby! FINALLY!
And then it ended. We sat in the emergency room. Stunned. I grieved. I wept countless tears. Our twins were in heaven and my heart was in shreds. I hate to admit that I did not take it with the kind of grace I should have. No. I didn't get mad at God. I just didn't feel for awhile. I asked myself all the questions you should not ask yourself. I knew God loved me. I knew I was not being punished. I KNEW God had a plan AND a reason. It took me a full year to really snap out of it and be fully happy again. As strange as it sounds, it helped that my husbands sister had married and she was expecting grandbaby #1. It was a relief. No one had pressured us to have babies right away but after 6 years... It helped! Nathaniel and I both share a special bond with our niece, Everest.
Insurance - Since I had not been to the Dr in awhile I went in for a check up. At the recommendation of a friend, I saw Dr. Michelbrink. She was fabulous. She listen to my endless list of symptoms. She REALLY listened. I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. I had a name for my issues. That was just the beginning. I learned as much as I could about this condition. I have a rather moderate case. Insulin resistance for extra easy weight gain. Cysts covering my ovaries to stop ovulation. Etc. I was a little bit of a mess but then that was no surprise. :)
My Plan - So, extra weight effects us PCOSers in a big way... No pun intended. I can't process carbs or sugars... Correction. My body stores all carbs and sugars as fat. So for two years, I cut out ALL carbs and sugars. I did allow myself glycemic friendly fruits. I also knew that I needed to up my game physically. I started running. I LOVED IT! I dropped 75 lbs in 8 months. It was wonderful. I had never been in such great shape in my whole life! My cycles became regular. I actually had one every 31 days, like clockwork. Whoa! Surely I would be able to have a baby now!!!
A year later and a new job at a hospital - I was able to be seen by a specialist without all the extensive fees! We tried a few different medications. We were pregnant four months later. Wow. We were pregnant. We found out it was twins again! We told our families on Christmas. We wanted to wait a little bit to tell everyone else. We were a little gun shy. The day after Christmas we went for our second ultrasound. Triplets! And they had stopped growing. No heartbeats. No matching outfits. No babies. This time I did take it better. Of course we were stunned. And we both grieved for our five little angels.
Last May - Well, we were pregnant again. And thrilled but cautious. Again we told family but in order for them to pray that we would be able to keep this little one. We found out just after Mother's Day :) We were on different medications. Oral and injectable. Life was beginning to feel like a timed event. Everyday was a different dose of something. The "timed" romance was starting to bother both of us. We were ready to be done with all this struggle and to hold our child! Again, we ended up in the emergency room. Our baby was in my ovary. No chance of survival. And then I was numb.
We took a break from the medical treatments. We just could not do it anymore. The doctors told us it was time to start looking at in vitro or adoption. Both were cost prohibitive for us. Not that God could not provide. The debate came to... Do we have children that will have to grow up in daycare so we can pay them off? Do we stop trying and give up our dreams? Do we not have enough faith to just wait? What were we supposed to do? We did know that we needed a break! We had been focusing on having a baby for almost nine years. A good nine years but still.
Peace - Who knows why these thing happen? My God does, that's Who. And He is always good. We were just on the edge of giving up entirely. We knew if we were going to have a child it would be because of God and nothing else. It hit me one day in my quiet time with God. He has given me the desires of my heart. I have worked since Nathaniel and I have been married. Mostly due to financial necessity (we live in a very expensive area) but also because I needed to keep busy. I have never been career-minded. Nope. No aspirations to be a CEO,etc. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a wife and mother. The desire of my heart. I am married to the man of my dreams. He makes me laugh. He cheers me up. He is the person who makes me a better Christian. I am also a mother. A mother to six beautiful children. Children who probably have their dad's laugh and eyes, maybe my hair and attitude. Children who have never scraped a knee, have never had their feelings hurt, have been held by their Heavenly Father. What more could I ask for? We were coming to the place where we were really beginning to accept that this plan... God's perfect plan was beginning to look better to us than our own.
Father's Day 2013 - Our Pastor has known the desire of our heart for quite some time. We were anointed with oil privately during a revival meeting with many Godly pastors were present. They took our request back to their congregations and shared our story. This was our last request to God. We would stop if He decided that was how it should be. Our own pastor had us come forward on Father's Day. He asked the whole church to pray and to fast on our behalf. Many people knew our struggle. Many newer members did not. The prayer - That God would bless us with a child within a year.
A month and a half later - I had to get up in the middle of the night... To pee... As usual. Since morning is the best time to test and I was only testing two days early... I woke my husband up in tears. He was concerned. It was four in the morning and I was crying my eyes out. We were pregnant and I was terrified! I needed him, begged him to pray with me. I needed strength. Whatever strength God needed me to have. Whether I needed the strength for God to help me through another loss OR the strength and peace for me to carry our child. I didn't know which one but I was ready for either. We told our pastor that morning. We waited, not out of lack of faith but out of trust that all would be well. We had an ultrasound. Just one baby this time. This time the baby measured at the right number of weeks. No heartbeat but it was a VERY early ultrasound. Our second ultrasound showed something we had never seen...
A TINY HEARTBEAT!!!
At 8 weeks we announced to our church that we were expecting.
Our baby girl, Philippa (aka-Pippa) Grace is due the day after Mother's Day, five weeks before Father's Day. We have had a long pregnancy, one hospital stay and 11 weeks of bedrest. She has been worth every moment, every tear.
She is not here yet but we are waiting expectantly. . .
I know not every story will end like ours. God's plan had different timing than ours. His plan for us is not the plan He has for someone else. At this moment I'm so thankful for all the time my husband and I have had to ourselves. It really has been a good life and I can't wait for the rest! Pippa may be the only child we have, and I feel so very blessed! We would love more though! :) We will wait upon The Lord. He really does know what he is doing!
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
Jeremiah 29:11
by: Tiffany Paul
*UPDATE:
I am so excited to be able to post an update here on the Pauls!!!
ENJOY the sweet note from Tiffany and the pictures...
~DeAna
"As I sit here in my living room, I look around and see a bit of a mess.
A jumper, a car seat, a play mat with several toys hanging down.
Two pink blankets are flung over the arm of the couch.
Various other baby items here and there...
And it is a beautiful sight!
All is quite for the moment. Pippa is in her crib for the night.
Oh the difference a few months (and one little amazing person) make!
Pippa was born May 21st at 3:47pm. Our labor was, well, easy. I can't lie.
I could do that again! First off, she was late... 9 days late. We opted for a home birth.
Yes, that's right, we had her at home and it was everything we wanted.
My water broke at 8:15 am and she was born 7 1/2 hours later! I won't go into
detail but let's just say things went much quicker than we expected.
The moment I held her, everything changed...
I know you hear people say that, but it is TRUE.
Just today I found myself crying. Praying that I will not disappoint
her or be a wrong example. I want her to know she is loved. I want her to know
that God is real and that she can trust Him. I want her to find someone who loves
her like her daddy loves me. I could go on and on...
Pippa is nearly 5 months old.
She is truly perfect.
Yes, she wakes us up at night.
Yes, diapers are icky.
Yes, sometimes we are just exhausted.
Being a mother is not the easiest thing I've ever done, but it is better
than I could have imagined. I know every mother must feel this way.
I find myself thinking that I want more children because she is so amazing.
And then I think I don't because SHE is so amazing! :)
I cannot thank you enough for your prayers! I have many friends who are
in the same boat that we were. Wanting to, but being unable to have a child.
I'm now on the other side and it almost feels wrong. I know the heartache
of loss and the hopelessness of infertility. I know that I am blessed.
I want so much for others who are struggling to have this same happy ending.
I know it will happen for some and not for others.
Please know that you have someone praying for you. I may not know your
name and we may never have the chance to meet, but I am praying!
I can honestly say, looking back... I would not change a thing!!!
Thanks so so so much!
Pippa's Mommy
.
